It’s called the world’s oldest profession and it’s showing no signs of slowing down.
We think of sex as a physical act, but it can be more than that. In a relationship, it’s a way to show love, affection, to become closer and to connect with your partner. It can also be playful or a way to alleviate stress.
There is a stigma attached to paid sex and a false belief that it is for the physical act and that only old men or men who can’t ‘get it’ for free pay for it but nothing can be further from the truth. People pay for things they can get for free all the time but sometimes you prefer that a professional takes care of things. You could probably cut or colour your own hair, but you pay a hairdresser to do it. You can cook at home but sometimes you eat out at a restaurant.
Paid sex is a luxury and there are many reasons men indulge…
Losing their virginity
Some men have their first sexual encounter with a sex worker. They may find being a virgin embarrassing or may fear doing it wrong. Some men are too nervous or shy to approach women but find that by making it transactional it becomes more of a service where they don’t feel that they have to perform, and they might even ask for some tips and tricks to give them the confidence to go out and have a sexual encounter in the ‘real world’ without feeling ashamed.
Safety
It’s a luxury and a brothel is a professional and controlled environment with high safety standards. Sex workers have regular sexual health check ups and practice safe sex and that is not always the case if they ‘pick up’ for sex in the outside world. Brothels must, under the law, sight an original sexual health certificate and retain a copy for each sex worker on the premises and must also provide all personal protective equipment necessary to provide a sexual service.
Uncomplicated
Many men like the emotional freedom of paying for a service. The service is transactional, mutually consensual and they can discuss exactly how they want it to play out and then at the end, leave without any hassles, drama, emotional complications. When they pay for sex, it’s a ‘sure thing’ and is possibly cheaper and less of a hassle than trying to meet someone, arranging times going on a date, paying for dinner, drinks entertainment etc and then possibly ending up alone at the end of the night anyway.
Fear of rejection
Paying for sex removes the chance of being rejected. They can leave after the booking and not have the fear of rejection from asking if the woman wants to see them again, worry about their performance, think about how soon they need to call vs how long they should wait to call. Both parties understand that it’s a transaction and there are no expectations or misunderstandings.
Sexual Skills, needs and difficulties
Men can feel a lot of pressure to perform, to be skilled or experienced, to provide pleasure but when the sex is paid for, they don’t need to worry about those things. They are not there to impress or show off because the sex worker is the one who is being paid to provide the pleasurable experience. The man may even learn some skills. There is a belief that sex workers are more entertaining, skilled, and open minded. If a man finds it difficult to maintain an erection, he is not going to be judged, if he has certain needs in order to be turned on, he may feel more comfortable asking a sex worker. Some men like the variety…to be able to have sex with all different types of women or to explore different fantasies/ role play or fetishes that they might be too embarrassed to ask for with a partner.
Human touch, cuddles and conversation
Not all men who pay for sex actually have sex. It is surprising how many men pay for conversation and human touch. The world can be a lonely place and even those with a lot of acquaintances can sometimes feel alone. It is not rare for a man to book a lady for hours on end to cuddle and talk about what is going on in their life. Possibly because it is a ‘safe haven’…nobody is going to run and tell their friends and family their deepest darkest secrets and to be honest, you can pay a therapist, but they are not going to give you a cuddle or chill out in a spa bath with you while you chat.
Disabilities
People with disabilities may have sexual and intimacy desires yet don’t have the opportunity to seek out a sexual partner and spending time with a sex worker can be a safe and non-judgemental way to satisfy their sexual expressions and needs and, in some instances, build self-esteem, practice social skills, and learn more about how to gain and give consent should they start to date
It's not just men
Whilst this blog is about men paying for sex, I feel that it’s important to note that a lot of women pay for sex as well and for a variety of reasons…. Exploring their sexuality, enjoying a threesome with their partner, to learn new skills.
At the end of the day, sex sells and most likely always will and there are many reasons that men pay for it and many reasons why sex workers provide it.
